Shit. I took a break to rest my brain and now it has gone into hibernating mode. Argh.
Drat my recent sleeping habits.
Sleeping at 9am and waking up at 7pm isn't a good idea at all. Now I am almost zone out.
2 more hrs to go......
-=-=-
Mmm. I am very tempted to cut my hair short again. I think I look better in short hair.
Should I..?
I don't know what got into me but this sudden adrenaline of positivity came gushing down on me today. I was this sunshiny and cheery girl today. Maybe because I saw grandma. Maybe it's the post-effect from watching <Glee>. I don't know.
Anyhow, I hope this goes on. I like this feeling. The + side of me. Feels great doesn't it?
-=-=-
It will be the last week of my tenure as a part-timer at Simbiosis. I wonder if I will be going back after my exams end in May. We'll see.
I'll miss working. Of course, the moolah too.
-=-=-
19 days to Jam Xiao's Singapore concert
20 days to F1 2010 @ Bahrain
<No more Macau trip>
73 days to DOOMSDAY
80+ days to (potentially) Taiwan trip
-=-=-
I am really excited about F1. Like REALLY. We are into the 4th & final week of the winter testing and soon enough, 14.03.2010 Bahrain will come. So far the winter testing has been feeding my thirst for a little bit, thank goodness.
I don't exactly speak the car-language and I am no guru at the specifications of the cars. Just a fangirl following my favorite sport, driver & team, who knows teeny weeny bits of things here and there.
So far the hint is that the big 4 are up there - Ferrari, Mercedes, Red Bull, Mclaren. But who knows right? It's eally exciting how the refueling ban sort of added a layer of mystery to the (potential) 2010 pecking order. Speculations are fun, but I am kind of lazy for that with all the exams and stuff. So I will just be a good fangirl and wait till THE DAY arrives. = )
A side note. Having read most of the F1 articles & blogs, I have come to realise how bullshit some author can be. Well, I guess that is part of human nature and it happens everywhere. Can't help but ranting a little about it though. Hee.
Back to the fangirl thing. I am a hopeless case of the double (and triple) F combo.
Fernando-Ferrari-Felipe.
Fernando Alonso is my leading driver and Ferrari is my leading team.
I was torn apart previously, in terms of support. But now, it is all great! (Last year, I thought I might have to wait for another year. Thank goodness. =D) Anways, the F10 (Ferrari's 2010 challenger) has been pretty quiet for the past 2 tests in Jerez depite hogging the limelight for week 1 testing at Valencia. But somehow, I am having a good feeling about it. (Just as Fernando, Felipe & Ferrari are feeling) Look at their long runs in the dry. Even though we have no idea how much fuel they are carrying, their lap times have been really consistent. The F10 seems pretty reliable too, with all the long runs and plentiful laps they did throughout the 3 weeks. Only 1 red flag (or was it 2?), which they knew the cause and was of a minor issue.
Let's not forget the major update Ferrari will be bringing for this week's test.
Alonso looked really happy. I was beginning to get used to seeing the not-so-much-smiles of him after 2 frustrating (maybe 2.5) seasons and then WALA! So far, the photos of him in red are beginning to look really happy and he is happy. (Alonso: Ferrari best car I've ever had) He would have played down any chances of optimism if the car isn't behaving well, but clearly he is happy.
Ok. Enough of speculating. (Didn't I say I wasn't going to..? Ops.) I wish there was someone I knew whom I can talk F1 with. hee. Oh wells..
20 days to go!
《阴天》
笑容少了
说的话也少了
不想去解释什么，辩解什么
因为很多时候，根本没用
就算是你认为了解你的人，也是如此
我不说，不代表我没事
我也不希望会有人注意到
Judging by the looks of it, 我应该没什么理由埋怨
但事实上我真的很无奈
能撑到多久呢？
会好转吗？
最讨厌别人装着很懂我的状况的人
因为他们什么都不懂，却满嘴大道理
我都没说，你挥懂什么？装个屁？
不是我不说。
很多事不是三言两语就能说得清，讲的明。
大道理有谁不明了？
但是大道理不是往往都能应用在现实生活上
它终究是一个theory that lacks ecological validity.
忘了怎么哭。
很奇怪。明明就很爱哭的我，忘了。
忘了那种伤心到眼泪会不由自主地流下
忘了那种心会纠着纠着的感觉
Attitude.
最近这种感觉回来了。有十年了吧。
不削的态度
批评
Judgemental
不爽就直说
而且是很不给面子的那种
感觉还满强烈地
也很陌生
有点怕人
这是我吗？
Life, 究竟会变成什么？
25 days to Jam Xiao's Singapore concert
26 days to F1 2010 @ Bahrain
30+ days to (potentially) Macau trip
79 days to DOOMSDAY
85+ days to (potentially) Taiwan trip
A good mix of heaven & hell feeling. Hee.
我终于知道，那种感觉是什么了。。
I managed to survive 36 hours of Sunday + Monday + a little spill over to Tuesday.
Pure madness.
Work on Monday was simply, ineffective. I felt pretty bad about it but there was nothing I could do to improve my concentration, not even after 2 cups of coffee. I just zombied my way past the day.
Went to KTV with Lydia, Hannah, Edmund, Weide, Khoon & Anli. ($10 nett @ Kbox from 7pm-11pm was just dirt cheap!) It was like a singing & dancing galore for me because Kernie & I was show casing our "Gee", "Sorry, Sorry" & "Nobody" dance performance for everyone. I supposed "Gee" would have been crazily funny because of Kernie. Weide was saying how he will be having nightmare after watching Kernie's dance to the song, compared to having sweet dreams of the original version. Everyone laughed their guts out too, when Anli & I sang 《不得不爱》. That was when Anli insisted on singing the girl's part and going crazily off-pitch. Whenever I took over (when he can't continue), I was laughing & singing at the same. At the end of the song, I was just tearing.
The session was pretty cool, with a few hiccups though. We were arguing with the management cause we snuck in food and got caught. Ended up having to even ask for permission to bring our food out to finish it. Pure dumbness. I was being lazy so I just left my Koi cafe milk tea till the end of KTV session. (Which I kind of regretted because I finished the whole cup in 3 minutes and I didn't get to enjoy it. zzz.) Of course I wasn't able to survive the whole 4 hours. I was half-asleep my way through the last 1.5 hours I think, just lying on the sofa.
Coffee really works on me.
The effects of the 2 cups of coffee took effect after I reached home and I wasn't able to sleep only until 5am. Zzz.
And the zombie time-zone continues..
Hello February.. :)
Time is passing by too quickly. Just 1 month ago we were welcoming 2010, and now we are already into the 2nd month of the year. I guess its true that they say, "once you hit 20-ish, time flies".
Smehs.
40 more days to Bahrain Friday practice! While today marks the first day of winter testing. At least some action before the real deal starts. :D
As I countdown to the start of F1 2010, I am at the same time, counting down to my doomsday. Kinda like a mixed feeling as I countdown each day.
Eew~
很喜欢《下一站, 幸福》这部偶像剧。
喜欢它的不夸张。
喜欢它的不做作。
喜欢它的剧情。
喜欢它表达幸福的方式。
喜欢它把一丝丝的温暖带进爱情世界里。
喜欢它那淡淡的忧伤。
非常喜欢安以軒饰演梁慕橙的角色。一个再平凡不过的女生，因为遇见了爱情，而因此从困境中走出了自己的幸福。
我忘了。
忘了爱一个人的感觉。
忘了因为爱一个人的那份坚持。
忘了因为有了爱情而幸福的感觉。
忘了怎么去依靠。（我不懂得依靠别人，也不会这么做。不过在很久以前，有一个人让我学会怎么去依赖。不管是累了还是感到伤心时，我都能靠着他，停止着，休息着。慢慢地，他把我背着的负担一点一滴的扛起来，陪着我。）但是，我又回到当初的自己。再次把所有的事，不管好与坏，都自己背起来。
忘了爱情的美好。
此时此刻的我对爱情，不抱着希望。
虽然遗憾，不过爱情不是全部。
或许有一天，或许，我会找到属于我的‘他’，我的下一站，幸福。
As much as I tried to console myself on how normal a day it is today, it has in fact, turned out to be a fucked up day after all. Living in self-denial doesn't help at all because just when I thought the worst was over, it got worser. No matter how hard I try, everything ends up being thrown back to me. The situation never improves. And once again, I am back in my vicious cycle.
What more can I do? For 20 years I've been trying but to no avail.
I am in an undescribable state/mood right now. Neither angry, nor upset nor sad. Just feeling fucked up. After doing so much and having to accept so much, I am back to the starting point.
At the end of the day, all I can, is to manage a forced smile and keep moving forward.
I want to be out of this someday.
And someday, I will.
Wednesday went by with a WOOSH!
I was soaked up in work today trying to complete the task within the day and I did it! Felt a little incredulous and slight mental exhaustion cause I was on 100% concentration the whole day. If only I can apply the same to studies. HA!
So with a hint of satisfaction, off I went (with my colleagues) to hit the gym at our new office!
Our new office is located at The Central, Clarke Quay MRT station. We will be shifting soon, probably end of January.
The best part? The facilities are awesome.
Gym: Comes with a mini television on half the stations.
Steaming Room.
Open-air Jaccuzzi & baby pool.
Open Garden concept with beds, sofas. Think Cafe del Mar @ Sentosa.
1-lap Swimming Pool with the width of about 3 lanes.
Not to forget about the office..
Shower facilities in the toilet.
Induction cooker.
Microwave, oven.
and did I mention the panoramic view of Boat Quay (especially at night)?
So we gym-ed, lingered in the steaming room, showered & went for Subway.
It always feel good after exercising.
A long day, but definitely a refreshing & fun one.
Smeh~ I forgot to take photos of Chilly in my office today. He accompanied me for the whole day at work and I gave him a load tonnes of pat on the head! Hee~ If only there is a mini glasses that fits his head, I think he will look adorkable. 
Anyways, am so glad I am back in office for this week! I have been stuck at client's place for so long that I missed the people in my office! Well, mainly cause there is super low human traffic at client's place. I am forever stuck in a room, either all by myself, or with Jasmine. Am so glad that I don't have to lunch alone this week. Hee~
Work stops for this week and for the next 4 days, (I hope) I will be a good student!
I think I really prefer working to studying. Haa..
Sadly, I slept through most part of the 1st day of 2010. Nothing was accomplished. Smeh. 
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
"Love is not a Theory, because it cannot be define.
Everyone has their own definition of love which is unique and applicable to one's self only.
Love is not Science, because there is no law that governs it.
We are the reactants, but there is no guarantees or methods to make any reactions work.
Love is not Mathematics, because there is no definite answer & solution.
There is no rights or wrongs, and there is never a correct solution.
Love is not a Language, because it doesn't speak for itself.
You have to feel it."
Author: Yeo Shu Yin (aka Dotdotger)
http://dotdotger.pixnet.net/blog
Please TAKE OUT WITH FULL CREDITS.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Onto something that I find it amusing..
I was chatting with a friend whom made me thought of the "me" 1 year ago. Well, more because what he is going through now is sort of the exact replica of what I went through 1 year ago. As he was telling me his story, my processor was 'running multiple programs at the same time' - listening to him from an objective point of view while empathizing his feelings and thoughts, and at the same time, digging through my own memories. It was amusing because I see the "SY from 1 year ago" in my friend.
It was only just that I had this intriguing thought - I am glad that I went throughout that heartache 1 year back.
Why?
So that I am able to empathize and listen to those who is going through the same.
Whenever breakups happen, friends play an important part in picking up the pieces. However for most of the time, they play a role of an 'objective outsider'. They are able to understand & sympathize, but not empathze. They will tell you the rights and wrongs, but forgot that there is no rights and wrongs when it comes to love. They will share their objective & logical thoughts with you, but not realising that love is an equation made up of only (and many) variables.
I must admit, we do stupid things. Whether we are in the 暗恋 stage, pursuing stage, in a relationship stage or the breakup stage, we do tonnes of silly things. Things which seems so sweet in the eyes of a pair of lovebirds, but ridiculous to the rest of the world.
Similarly, for someone who goes through a breakup, one is bound to do stupid things, and friends will immediately jump in reprimandin the individual. I am not saying this is wrong, but neither would I say that this is right. Afterall, who can firmly say that, a 'correct' decision today will lead to a positive outcome tomorrow, considering the fact that no one can predict the future?
I went through the process, and I know how sucky it feels when you have a bunch of friends nailing on you for the stupid things you do. One is already feeling emo-fied, yet when your friends throw you huge logical thinkings which you already know, you have to deal with them. It can be really annoying, especially when you are expected to accept those logics. People do understand logics and have their own personal emotions to deal with. But when it comes to the constant battle between logic vs emotions, it is always a tough fight.
Because I went through what I did, it have been much easier for me to empathize with friends who are going through the same. It was a learning process for me, and through this, I am glad that I am able to help a few friends on the same issue. The SY from 3 years ago would have talked/adviced people differently because I could not see it from this point of view.
爱情万岁，失恋无罪。
在新的一年里，祝所有有情人终成眷属。
I cannot even begin to describe how bad 2009 was for me. I though 2008 was horrible enough, but, 2009 was the worst.
Even today, on the very last day of 2009, I have to deal with problems and issues. Right here, right now as I am blogging, I am also trying my very best not to let the tears escape. While at the same time, I have to think of a solution for my latest problem.
How should I begin..?
2009 has been a year filled with too much frustrations and disappointments, waaay too much. Problems come one after another before I can even take a breather.
Although I have long forgotten most parts, there are certain issues that will remain. Because they are problems which I cannot solve within a day or two. I am not just stuck in a vicious cycle, I am sinking in a seemingly bottomless pit. I have always known that I am stuck in this vicious cycle, and I know that I have to get out of it. Something which I am certain that I will be able to acheive someday.
But in 2009, I was pulled into this seemingly bottomless pit situation. And at this point of time, darkness still encompasses my life. I see no light in front of my path, not even a dim, and I have no idea how I am to climb out of this pit.
I tried my best to aid the situation, but it had a minimal impact. Why? Because while I was slowly refilling this hole bit by bit, people were digging bigger holes elsewhere. Thus, I had to cancel whatever plans that I had set for myself. Friends asked me, "I thought you were planning for this and that? What happened?". I could only reply with a "Ha. Plan cancelled".
This was the 'best part' that happened in office today.
Wing: I thought you wanted to go Taiwan?
Mui Huang: I thought you planned to go Hong Kong?
SY: (forced laughter) All cancelled. *Points at weide* So was our USA (work-and-play) plans as well.
At that point I felt a huge pang. Only then I realised that I had cancelled all my plans in the past 2 years and placed myself right at the bottom of the piority list.
Disappointments, frustrations, helplessness.
Honestly, not only did Mummy not help the situation, being her tyical self, she made it worse for me. I cannot even begin to explain how much emotional trauma I get from her for the past 23 years of my life. She have not been the kind of mother I have imagined one that I would have, in fact, she is almost on the other extreme end. But this is a topic that I shall not and will never ever touch anymore. Simply because she is my mother, and I can only accept her for who she is. Even though she literally drives me crazy in many occassion, I have learnt not to complain and resent about her. After 23 years of fruitful attempts, I am already at the stage where I know that there is simply nothing I can do about this issue already.
Just today, I asked a friend to help me with a small problem of mine. It wasn't really much of a problem, perhaps frustration or constraint would be a better word for it. So I was pretty glad that I managed to get this minor issue off my mind. Sadly, I was met with another major problem which I eventually decided that the help I received for the first issue, will be used to deal with the latter instead. It was an obvious choice on what I had to do, on what I had to choose between the 2. But it was just this feeling of frustration that put me down for the day.
Finally on the 365th day of this year, I am almost done walking through this year of my life. No matter how tough 2009 had been, I have walked it through and survived. We are on the closing stage of 2009 chapter and I cannot wait for it to end. I will be heading out to Sook Theng's house (after I am done with this) to join the rest for countdown. And then, it will be a fresh new start..
Goodbye 2009..
Onwards 2010..
I don't know why, but I have this strong & positive feeling telling me that 2010 is going to be a great year for me. I am filled with hope and am very much anticipating the arrival of it. Even though I have yet to see any light, I am sure I will be able to in the near future. Moreover, along with the many hypes that will happen in 2010, I will be kept entertained throughout even if I do (hope not!) continue to sink deeper. I already foresee many changes in my attitude and how I will be dealing with issues. First half of 2010 will practically be a disappearance act for me as I try my best to concentrate on studies while juggling with my work. Then for the second half of 2010, I will try my best in every mean and way to better my situation. Even if I have to foresake certain stuff.
It certainly feels better after I dumped everything out. I am not resenting. I have already accepted things as they were since I was young. But it really hadn't been easy to keep it all to myself for so long, especially as I add on more weights onto my shoulder. I cannot remember the last time I tried to share my true inner feelings with any individual. That was more than one year ago, and also probably one of the few times I did in my entire life.
I will continue walking, and carve a path of my own.
This is a post not of complaints, not of resentment, not of judgement, not of sadness.
This is a post of conviction, of anticipation, of determination, of perserverance.
I hope I can survive through the upcoming 5 months..
So for the first time in I don't know how long, I had the best sleeping routine.
Slept at 11:30am, woke up at 7:30am.
ahaha.
My target for today: Be a good girl and mug the whole day.
UPDATE:
Wouldn't say that I've mugged but I studied. Need to fire up my engine real quick.
*Steps full force on acceleration pad*
I don't know how I managed to survive the whole of yesterday.
Madness.
In the end, it was yet another sleepless friday night, even after promising 4 people that I will attempt to sleep before my Saturday morning lecture.
Of course, it was mission unaccomplished.
This time round, I was dozing through the first half of the lecture. Surprisingly though, I was wide awake during the second half of it, and I survived lecture.
Mission #2 accomplished.
My stomach was feeling unwell throughout lecture and I knew it was the Tom Yum Yee Mian I ate in the morning. The Ice blended peppermint mocha must have played a part too. But ultimately, I think I deserved it. Considering the diarrhea on friday.. hmm.. Fine, I totally deserved that.
So I went for badminton in a tired & sick state. Thankfully, Eunice brought her pills for my stomach. And yet another surprise, I was playing not bad. The 4 of us (Me, Eunice, KY, Anli) played for 2 hours straight and I even had a singles training session with Anli. Felt pretty good after badminton.
That was mission #3 of the day, total satisfying.
(Oh! Got a baby tigger from Eunice and I was playing with it the whole day. Now I've got 6 toys on my bed. Getting a little squeezy. Hee.. Fankiew Eunice! )
After lunch, Anli and I (along with Edmund & Wing) went to bosses house for company Christmas party. Most of them were there already, going crazy on rock band. So we sang, rocked, exchanged gifts, ate and played a little more. I was slightly annoyed during dinner because I was starring at the cake and food which I knew that I could not eat. 
In the end, I gave in and ate a bit of everything. Well. I didn't touch the cake because I thought that it would be the ultimate killer if I did. Weide was sitting beside me drinking glass after glass of red wine. And I just sat beside him, sniffing the smell of it, pouting secretly. It was annoying to see food which you cannot devour.. opps, I meant 'eat'. 
Then, we split into two groups - MJ & movie session. It was obvious which group I was in and Anli lost to me and Mui Huang. We played with the travel pack MJ and it was quite cute, except that we cannot be too rough with it. So I think I should just stick to the normal size MJ. Hehe..
Then I left with Weide after MJ to catch the last train while the rest went on with round 2 of movie marathon.
Last mission of the day, completed!
Attempted to play a bit of facebook after reaching home, and the next thing I know, it was already Sunday noon. Apparently I fell alseep and left everything on. Whooops.
Total madness.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Met Cindy in the afternoon to get my stickers, stamps & ink pad. Walked around AMK hub and drank milk tea from Koi cafe. (I was filled with jealousy when the office people told me they had a delivery previously. Ew. I wasn't working.) So I had to try one when Cindy wanted to drink, even though I was already feeling full.
And it was yummeh! I liked Cindy's Milk tea + Chin chow. It was simply.. 
Yay. I'm going to play with my 2010 organiser in awhile.
"Why aren't you sleeping?"
"Go sleep already!"
I find it amusing that I have been receiving a lot of such remarks lately.
Just tonight alone I have 4 friends telling me the same thing.
I'm such a brat for not listening to my friends.
(lol) Sorry guys.
Now I'm wondering whether to sleep.
The thought of wanting to sleep is purely out of guilt.
Usually if I am still awake by this time, I will simply forgo the Z's.
Let's see what happens later..
There are things that I want to say but I don't know how to put them in words. Typed the post halfway and ended up being stuck. Sigh.
EDIT: I feel better now. Thank You.
Sony Ericsson Aino
Finally laid my hands on this baby! (Although I had to queue for 1.5hrs + 0.5hrs of waiting in order to get this phone ) The white model was out of stock but the black looks good too. Got it @ $438 (before trade in of $250). Oh, we bought 2 - one for me, one for mummy. Mummy was whining here and there but daddy and I knows that she secretly likes it. Hee.
Lurve the deskstand charger and bluetooth headset!
Just when the hype is on BB & iphone, I decided to switch from Samsung back to my favorite Sony Ericsson. For a very simple reason. Aino has everything that I need, and more. My handphone has to be a multi-functional all-in-one - phone, mp3 player, radio player, camera, organiser, Plus I lurve the SE system, clean and simple.
Speaking of which, I finally traded off my Samsung Omnia (16GB) - Coffee version for $250! (By coffee version, I meant the drink. lol.) It was such a steal, Considering I bought it at only $438. Definitely my best buy of 2008. Which reminds me, Omnia was actually a birthday present from myself to.. me! And I got it on 15.08.2008. Something worth remembering about. If it wasn't for the coffee spill, I doubt I would have changed it so soon.
But for now.. Aino rawks! ^_^
No time to blog so the emoticon is the best way of expression.
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