As much as I tried to console myself on how normal a day it is today, it has in fact, turned out to be a fucked up day after all. Living in self-denial doesn't help at all because just when I thought the worst was over, it got worser. No matter how hard I try, everything ends up being thrown back to me. The situation never improves. And once again, I am back in my vicious cycle.

 

What more can I do? For 20 years I've been trying but to no avail.

 

I am in an undescribable state/mood right now. Neither angry, nor upset nor sad. Just feeling fucked up. After doing so much and having to accept so much, I am back to the starting point.

 

At the end of the day, all I can, is to manage a forced smile and keep moving forward.

I want to be out of this someday.

And someday, I will.

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