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昨日西风凋碧树,独自高楼,望尽天涯路。 衣带渐宽终不悔,为伊消得人憔悴。 众里寻他千百度,蓦然回首,那人却在灯火阑珊处。 -王国维《人间词语》

目前日期文章:200912 (27)

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I cannot even begin to describe how bad 2009 was for me. I though 2008 was horrible enough, but, 2009 was the worst.

Even today, on the very last day of 2009, I have to deal with problems and issues. Right here, right now as I am blogging, I am also trying my very best not to let the tears escape. While at the same time, I have to think of a solution for my latest problem.

 

How should I begin..?

 

2009 has been a year filled with too much frustrations and disappointments, waaay too much. Problems come one after another before I can even take a breather.

Although I have long forgotten most parts, there are certain issues that will remain. Because they are problems which I cannot solve within a day or two. I am not just stuck in a vicious cycle, I am sinking in a seemingly bottomless pit. I have always known that I am stuck in this vicious cycle, and I know that I have to get out of it. Something which I am certain that I will be able to acheive someday.

But in 2009, I was pulled into this seemingly bottomless pit situation. And at this point of time, darkness still encompasses my life. I see no light in front of my path, not even a dim, and I have no idea how I am to climb out of this pit.

I tried my best to aid the situation, but it had a minimal impact. Why? Because while I was slowly refilling this hole bit by bit, people were digging bigger holes elsewhere. Thus, I had to cancel whatever plans that I had set for myself. Friends asked me, "I thought you were planning for this and that? What happened?". I could only reply with a "Ha. Plan cancelled".

 

This was the 'best part' that happened in office today.

Wing: I thought you wanted to go Taiwan?

Mui Huang: I thought you planned to go Hong Kong?

SY: (forced laughter) All cancelled. *Points at weide* So was our USA (work-and-play) plans as well.

 

At that point I felt a huge pang. Only then I realised that I had cancelled all my plans in the past 2 years and placed myself right at the bottom of the piority list.

 

Disappointments, frustrations, helplessness.

 

Honestly, not only did Mummy not help the situation, being her tyical self, she made it worse for me. I cannot even begin to explain how much emotional trauma I get from her for the past 23 years of my life. She have not been the kind of mother I have imagined one that I would have, in fact, she is almost on the other extreme end. But this is a topic that I shall not and will never ever touch anymore. Simply because she is my mother, and I can only accept her for who she is. Even though she literally drives me crazy in many occassion, I have learnt not to complain and resent about her. After 23 years of fruitful attempts, I am already at the stage where I know that there is simply nothing I can do about this issue already.

 

Just today, I asked a friend to help me with a small problem of mine. It wasn't really much of a problem, perhaps frustration or constraint would be a better word for it. So I was pretty glad that I managed to get this minor issue off my mind. Sadly, I was met with another major problem which I eventually decided that the help I received for the first issue, will be used to deal with the latter instead. It was an obvious choice on what I had to do, on what I had to choose between the 2. But it was just this feeling of frustration that put me down for the day.

 

Finally on the 365th day of this year, I am almost done walking through this year of my life. No matter how tough 2009 had been, I have walked it through and survived. We are on the closing stage of 2009 chapter and I cannot wait for it to end. I will be heading out to Sook Theng's house (after I am done with this) to join the rest for countdown. And then, it will be a fresh new start..

Goodbye 2009..

 

Onwards 2010..

I don't know why, but I have this strong & positive feeling telling me that 2010 is going to be a great year for me. I am filled with hope and am very much anticipating the arrival of it. Even though I have yet to see any light, I am sure I will be able to in the near future. Moreover, along with the many hypes that will happen in 2010, I will be kept entertained throughout even if I do (hope not!) continue to sink deeper. I already foresee many changes in my attitude and how I will be dealing with issues. First half of 2010 will practically be a disappearance act for me as I try my best to concentrate on studies while juggling with my work. Then for the second half of 2010, I will try my best in every mean and way to better my situation. Even if I have to foresake certain stuff.

 

It certainly feels better after I dumped everything out. I am not resenting. I have already accepted things as they were since I was young. But it really hadn't been easy to keep it all to myself for so long, especially as I add on more weights onto my shoulder. I cannot remember the last time I tried to share my true inner feelings with any individual. That was more than one year ago, and also probably one of the few times I did in my entire life.

 

I will continue walking, and carve a path of my own.

我的世界,我的生活。一步一脚印,放眼天下看世界。

 

 

This is a post not of complaints, not of resentment, not of judgement, not of sadness.

This is a post of conviction, of anticipation, of determination, of perserverance.

 

 

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 I hope I can survive through the upcoming 5 months..

 

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So for the first time in I don't know how long, I had the best sleeping routine.

Slept at 11:30am, woke up at 7:30am.

ahaha.

My target for today: Be a good girl and mug the whole day.


UPDATE:

Wouldn't say that I've mugged but I studied. Need to fire up my engine real quick.

*Steps full force on acceleration pad*

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I don't know how I managed to survive the whole of yesterday.

Madness.

 

In the end, it was yet another sleepless friday night, even after promising 4 people that I will attempt to sleep before my Saturday morning lecture.

Of course, it was mission unaccomplished.

 

This time round, I was dozing through the first half of the lecture. Surprisingly though, I was wide awake during the second half of it, and I survived lecture.

Mission #2 accomplished.

 

My stomach was feeling unwell throughout lecture and I knew it was the Tom Yum Yee Mian I ate in the morning. The Ice blended peppermint mocha must have played a part too. But ultimately, I think I deserved it. Considering the diarrhea on friday.. hmm.. Fine, I totally deserved that.

 

So I went for badminton in a tired & sick state. Thankfully, Eunice brought her pills for my stomach. And yet another surprise, I was playing not bad. The 4 of us (Me, Eunice, KY, Anli) played for 2 hours straight and I even had a singles training session with Anli. Felt pretty good after badminton.

That was mission #3 of the day, total satisfying.

 

(Oh! Got a baby tigger from Eunice and I was playing with it the whole day. Now I've got 6 toys on my bed. Getting a little squeezy. Hee.. Fankiew Eunice! )

 

After lunch, Anli and I (along with Edmund & Wing) went to bosses house for company Christmas party. Most of them were there already, going crazy on rock band. So we sang, rocked, exchanged gifts, ate and played a little more. I was slightly annoyed during dinner because I was starring at the cake and food which I knew that I could not eat. In the end, I gave in and ate a bit of everything. Well. I didn't touch the cake because I thought that it would be the ultimate killer if I did. Weide was sitting beside me drinking glass after glass of red wine. And I just sat beside him, sniffing the smell of it, pouting secretly. It was annoying to see food which you cannot devour.. opps, I meant 'eat'.

Then, we split into two groups - MJ & movie session. It was obvious which group I was in and Anli lost to me and Mui Huang. We played with the travel pack MJ and it was quite cute, except that we cannot be too rough with it. So I think I should just stick to the normal size MJ. Hehe..

Then I left with Weide after MJ to catch the last train while the rest went on with round 2 of movie marathon.

Last mission of the day, completed!

 

Attempted to play a bit of facebook after reaching home, and the next thing I know, it was already Sunday noon. Apparently I fell alseep and left everything on. Whooops.

 

Total madness.

 

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Met Cindy in the afternoon to get my stickers, stamps & ink pad. Walked around AMK hub and drank milk tea from Koi cafe. (I was filled with jealousy when the office people told me they had a delivery previously. Ew. I wasn't working.) So I had to try one when Cindy wanted to drink, even though I was already feeling full.

And it was yummeh! I liked Cindy's Milk tea + Chin chow. It was simply..

 

Yay. I'm going to play with my 2010 organiser in awhile.

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"Why aren't you sleeping?"

"Go sleep already!"


I find it amusing that I have been receiving a lot of such remarks lately.

Just tonight alone I have 4 friends telling me the same thing.

I'm such a brat for not listening to my friends.

(lol) Sorry guys.

Now I'm wondering whether to sleep.

The thought of wanting to sleep is purely out of guilt.

Usually if I am still awake by this time, I will simply forgo the Z's.

Let's see what happens later..


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There are things that I want to say but I don't know how to put them in words. Typed the post halfway and ended up being stuck. Sigh.

 

EDIT: I feel better now. Thank You.

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Sony Ericsson Aino

Sony Ericsson Aino

Finally laid my hands on this baby! (Although I had to queue for 1.5hrs + 0.5hrs of waiting in order to get this phone ) The white model was out of stock but the black looks good too. Got it @ $438 (before trade in of $250). Oh, we bought 2 - one for me, one for mummy. Mummy was whining here and there but daddy and I knows that she secretly likes it. Hee.

Lurve the deskstand charger and bluetooth headset!

Aino Deskstand charger

Just when the hype is on BB & iphone, I decided to switch from Samsung back to my favorite Sony Ericsson. For a very simple reason. Aino has everything that I need, and more. My handphone has to be a multi-functional all-in-one - phone, mp3 player, radio player, camera, organiser, Plus I lurve the SE system, clean and simple.

Speaking of which, I finally traded off my Samsung Omnia (16GB) - Coffee version for $250! (By coffee version, I meant the drink. lol.) It was such a steal, Considering I bought it at only $438. Definitely my best buy of 2008. Which reminds me, Omnia was actually a birthday present from myself to.. me! And I got it on 15.08.2008. Something worth remembering about. If it wasn't for the coffee spill, I doubt I would have changed it so soon.

But for now.. Aino rawks! ^_^

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 My friends know how huge a bleach fannatic I am and this fact still amazes me everyone once in awhile.

I was watching 鋼の錬金術師(Hagane no renkinjutsushi 2009) and this new character call 'Sloth' appeared, shouting "mendokuse, mendokuse".

 My immediate respose was, "Ho.. Zaraki Kenpachi ne."

What follows next was of course a wikipedia check and WALA! - I did it again. It was  indeed Fumihiko Tachiki, Kenpachiの声優 (Seiyuu aka Voice actor). I think this is the 5th or 6th bleach character which I have identified just from within 鋼の錬金術師 itself.

Having watched the Bleach anime series 10 times sure made my brain(ears) a little.. weird I suppose.

 

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韩庚, Han Geng, HanKyung.

My thoughts on the "Han Geng's request for termination of contract with SM", while the case is still on..

 

因为我们都身不在其中,在事情没搞清楚之余,我们没资格评论。

(Because we are not the direct people involved, we have neither rights to criticize nor comment on the issue before it settles down.)

所以,直到整件事都落地尘埃时,我会保持沉默。

(So until the issue has been clarified and settled, I will remain silent.)

现在的他(们)需要的是支持,而不是无谓的猜测与批评。

(For what he (they) need now is our support, and not speculations & criticism which is of no help to the situation.)

身为韩庚的粉丝,我们只能相信与尊重他,跟着韩庚走..

As Han Geng fans, we can only believe & respect him, and follow Han Geng wherever he goes.

 

-DoTdOtGeR (..点点..)

 

EDIT:

I just watched the 091224 WBC Welfare TV 09 Sharing Concert SJ performance and there were only 9 members who performed. Sorry, sorry & It's You just didn't felt as good as before. Hopefully everything will turn for the better in favour of HanKyung & SJ.

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No time to blog so the emoticon is the best way of expression.

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啊.. What is this nostalgic song playing on the radio..?

 

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Doodles 091221-1.png

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  • Dec 21 Mon 2009 22:27
  • Ahhh~

Waiting anxiously for HanKyung & SM Entertainment to release their official statements. Before that, I shall simply wait patiently (AND VERY ANXIOUSLY T_T).


I hope nothing bad will come out from this..


>.<

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  • Dec 21 Mon 2009 01:43
  • 振作

我要振作,努力,加油。

要在逆境中走出自己精彩的人生。

只剩五个月。我要好好加油,不能气馁。

再大的压力也得熬过去。

就算没人能给于我支持,我还是能凭着自己的力量往前走。

做最后的冲刺吧。

未来是有所期待地。

撑着。

我行的。

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  • Dec 20 Sun 2009 22:12
  • =..((

=..((

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  • Dec 19 Sat 2009 23:02
  • 2010..

There is too many exciting things happening in 2010. Can't wait for the arrival for 2010.

 

For now, I will just look forward to the following:

23 Dec'09

26 Dec'09

 

2009 has been a year that is not worth a mention.

But I am still good!

 

2010 is going to be awesome!

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Ha. I was annoyed thrice today. Once in the morning, then the afternoon, and another... just.

Maybe I should sleep early for once to shorten my annoying day.

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是因为我这两个月来没什么出去和朋友交流吗?

不是去学校,就是去上班。顶多是每个星期打一次羽毛球。剩余的时间都躲在自己的房间。

 

最近的我变得好孤僻啊。整个宅女一个。

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I want to drink Starbucks.. NOW NOW NOW!

♥ Ice Blended Peppermint Mocha ♥

Why no delivery.........................................................................?

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Doodles 091216.png

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