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昨日西风凋碧树,独自高楼,望尽天涯路。 衣带渐宽终不悔,为伊消得人憔悴。 众里寻他千百度,蓦然回首,那人却在灯火阑珊处。 -王国维《人间词语》
  • Mar 19 Fri 2010 15:23
  • 99%

Once, I had a good friend asking me, "I wonder what is in your head".

I think this post gives a little insight to what is in it.

 

-=-=-

 

Just like how nothing is impossible, nothing is definite either.

 

We can never be sure of what's coming, yet words like 'impossible' & 'definitely' have been overused by many.

How can anyone be so sure of what's to come to say, "It is impossible for anyone to...", "There is no way...".

Things might seem unreachable, but hey, who knows right?

Maybe 10, 50 or even 100 years down the road, the 'impossible' might turn into 'possible'. Just ask those who insisted that the Earth was flat.

 

We only know when it happens.

As long as we are not there, at that specific point to know, we never know what's going to happen!

Thus, before we reach that point, we speculate.

With speculations, there is always a degree of uncertainty.

Throwing that element into the formula, nobody should be saying things for which they cannot guarantee for its happening.

 

Anything can happen.

 

-=-=-

 

Which are you?

The one who says, "It's impossible".

Or..

The one who attempts to turn the impossible, possible?

 

-=-=-

 

What do you see - A cup of water, half-filled or half-empty?

Half-filled.

All I need to do is to add in somemore.

 

-=-=-

 

Never be too quick to judge. You don't know when you might be judged upon.

In fact, don't even judge. Humans are mostly too subjective to view things from every perspective.

 

-=-=-

 

99% Risk (of danger) VS 1% Chance (of survival) - Which do you see?

I see the chance.

 

-=-=-

 

Give or take?

Give AND take. I try not to be too hard on everybody, and that includes myself.

 

-=-=-

 

Live on the edge, but not the extreme.

 

-=-=-

 

Ok. I ran out of questions for myself. It was pretty fun actually. Hee.

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Argh. I have been procrastinating this post.

Tried to write last night. Made another (feeble) attempt this afternoon. And now I am going to just give a short summary.

 

-=-=-=-

 

What can I say?

 

The weekend that I had been looking forward to the most has just ended and it has been one heck of a ride - anticipated & well satisfied!

 

-=-=-=-

 

2010 萧敬腾 洛克先生Mr. Rock 新加坡演唱会

14.03.2010 (Saturday)


两小时又四十五分钟的 Rock out 演唱会,high 到最高点。

Definitely one of the best live singers.

 

Started the concert with a very high 《王子的新衣》, followed by a medley of mix songs by others.

He showcased his talent in drums & piano too. Loved his drumming.

After showing a 'behind the scene' video footage of different possible ways to introduce himself, we ended up with this - a standup board of him lit up on stage, and he attemped to talk to us for 2 minutes (there was a countdown timer at the screen of 2 minutes). It was really amusing to be staring at the board while listening to him (not sure if it was a live voice over or pre-recorded).

Then, it was a series of cute dancing to 《看我72变》,《爱的抱抱》 & 《Nobody》. He isn't exactly the dancing type so he looked pretty dorky (in a cute way) when he danced. Hee.

An unofficial 'breaktime' came when he introduced Lee Wei Song & an upcoming newbie (whome I forgot his name already). The newbie had - to me - an irritating 鼻音 and I couldn't be bothered. Not very interesting.

The whole show ended in a high note of 《L-O-V-E》 & 《收藏》.

 

My thoughts:

I went to the concert with a bad flu & mild sore throat. Yet I ended up singing to every single song throughout the whole concert. Mind you, he sang a whole list of songs (plus he does't talk much either :D). Was just thankful that I did not end up with a bad sore throat the next day.

It was awesome rocking concert. I just wished the special guest be 方大同 - it would have been perfect.

 

Photos:

LQ photos taken at the concert itself cause I was using my handphone - SE Aino (no anti-shake).

 

A purplish night (FYI: Jam's fans are represented by purple)

DSC00120.JPG

 

See the timer at the back of the stage and the stand-up board version of him?

DSC00145.JPG

 

The Stand-up board

DSC00144.JPG

 

Click here for more photos. (Only photos of the merchandise we bought since I forgot to bring my Camera to the concert.)

 

-=-=-=-


F1 2010 - 1st race - Bahrain

15.03.2010 (Sunday)

 

Ferrari 1-2 win! [WCC - 43 points - Current leader]

P1 Fernando Alonso [WDC - 25 points - Current leader]

P2 Felipe Massa [WDC - 18 points]

 

So Vettel took pole position at qualifyings, followed by Massa at P2 and Alonso at P3.

Honestly, I think Alonso could have done better but was just unlucky with a 'not the best' kind of lap. But that's F1.

Red bull is fastest over one lap. No doubt.

 

After the concert, I was busy catching up with the qualifying news and researching.

Before I went to bed, my conclusion was the same as since the start of the winter testing -

Red Bull will be one of the fastest, but will come with reliability issues.

Alonso would (and eventually did) win the race.

 

The Red Bull conclusion came from some evidence in 2009, mostly during winter testing and even at Bahrain practice sessions. Along with many, I knew that Red Bull was in top 4, and very fast. Yet somehow, the car felt fragile and I tend to worry for it, wondering whether it might break down anytime, for whatever reason. This was the feeling I had gotten since the start of the winter testing.

 

The Alonso conclusion, I must admit, is bias. Being a Alonso fan, of course, I would want him to win.

But this conclusion came with an optimistic observation - he was on this odd lucky streak ever since start of winter testing.

For a day or two when it was his turn to be in helm of the F10, where weather forecasts indicated a wet day, it would end up with a day of sunshine through the rain. This was compared to team-mate Massa, who had less of such luck.

 

Before the race, my dad was telling me how Vettel seemed to be set to win the race. Immediately, I threw it back at him, offering my thoughts of Red Bull's reliability and it would probably break down halfway. Of course, I have been gleeing all day about how Alonso would win the race, despite starting from P3.

 

The rest is history.

 

My thoughts:

Unbelivable. This is the best way Alonso could have started this season with his new relationship with Ferrari, and the best way Ferrari could have started this season - making a comeback with a Ferrari 1-2.

Next stop - Australia.

Hopefully Ferrari will re-display its dominance.

 

I have read many speculations, thoughts, comments on a few topics which I wished I had the time to address. Some thoughts I have on the current affairs of F1 and some comments made by others (internet users) which I felt was unjustified for.

But this is the internet and people have their rights for their own thoughts, be it right or wrong. So it is kind of pointless for me to prove my point.

I will probably leave my thoughts on the current affairs of F1 to my next weekly F1 post.

 

-=-=-=-

 

Great weekend.

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  • Mar 12 Fri 2010 00:31
  • Pony

Can I wish upon a star for a cute pony to come rescue me..?

*Clamps hands*

 

Ahh~ I think it is the post-effect of too much idol drama and idol chasing.

 

Pony~

 

-=-=-

 

Saw this super cute looking pony (with a weird looking hello kitty sitting on it) at PS yesterday and it has been on my mind since. Am so tempted to buy it and add it to my cuteness collection.

 

-=-=-

 

Went KTV with Kolay along with a special guest appearance - Chilly - and this was what happened!

(Click here!)

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  • 這是一篇加密文章,請輸入密碼
  • 密碼提示:Dotdot: Get the password from me
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I am always interested in the articles of David Coulthard, in a good way. As an ex-F1 driver, he is always capable of providing insights to the on-goings of the current state of F1. Most of the times, they usually made sense. Unlike some, who simple accuses, states the obvious & they act like they were from the school of theatrics rather than someone whom was one hell of a racer.


Alright. Enough of rants.


What David Coulthard mentioned in the following article seems like something that has been ignored by the FIA. It is one thing to inject new blood into the sport, but another, if it doesn't help the sport.


I do pity the new teams in some way. Even though 2010 is going to be their debut year, they will not only be overshadowed by their car performance, but also by the classic drivers-teams line-up. No matter how 2010 will turn out to be, it definitely go down into the history as one of the classic years.


Dotdotger is a newbie F1 fan whom has been following the sport for only 1.5years till date. For any mistakes, she would appreciate constructive criticism and enlightenment.

 

-=-=-=-=-

David Coulthard: new teams on Formula One grid are a cause for concern


I am going to end up sounding like a bit of a Scrooge here, but before we all start waxing lyrical about the impending blockbuster of a season (and, believe me, I have not felt this excited about a championship since I made my debut for Williams in 1994), I want to address something that worries me greatly: the standard, or lack thereof, of the new teams on the grid for 2010.

By David Coulthard
Published: 7:30AM GMT 09 Mar 2010

New teams on Formula One grid are a cause for concern
New kids on the grid: rookie F1 drivers Karun Chandhok (left) and Bruno Senna will be under huge pressure, says David Coulthard
Photo: REUTERS

I have heard a lot in recent months about how great it is to have 'fresh blood' in the sport. And I noted with interest the criticism levelled at Ferrari for the scathing editorial published on their website last month, when they belittled the "small teams" entering F1.

 

Well, I have to admit, I have some sympathy with Ferrari's point of view.

 

Formula One is not a finishing school. Either you come prepared, or prepare to fail. This is the pinnacle of world motorsport. It's no use them bleating about the fact that the goalposts moved after they joined under a £40 million budget cap. The Formula One Teams' Association never signed up to that cap.

 

Fresh blood is all well and good but I would argue that the carry-on we have seen over the past few months has been a poor advertisement for F1. First it was going to be four new teams, then Bernie Ecclestone admitted he thought only two of them would make it. Then USF1 collapsed and died, along with the reputations of Ken Anderson and Peter Windsor, who cried wolf so many times.

 

Finally we are left with three new outfits – Virgin Racing, Lotus and Hispania Racing – although the last of these launched only last week following a last-minute change of ownership and has never turned a wheel in testing.

 

Has the world gone mad? F1 is a dangerous sport at the best of times but asking teams to just turn up at practice on a Friday before a race is plain irresponsible.

 

For a team who have been up and running for years it is difficult enough to pass the stringent FIA crash tests while accumulating adequate miles to prove the integrity of parts which are not required to be tested; for instance suspension parts, which as a reminder to all keep the wheels attached to the car.

 

Even if the new teams negotiate Bahrain without a hitch – and I hope they do – they will be miles off the pace. Again, I feel this degrades the sport and is unfair on the drivers in question. Just ask Perry McCarthy, who failed to qualify for a single grand prix in 11 attempts for Andrea Moda in 1992, how much fun it is scrabbling around at the back of a grid.

 

Bruno Senna and Karun Chandhok, the drivers for Hispania Racing, are both talented young men under huge pressure. I just hope it doesn't all descend into McCarthy-esque farce.

 

My advice to them? Drive as quickly as possible at all times during practice. One of the most dangerous things you can do in F1 is to go slowly on the racing line.

 

That aside, the season promises to be a classic. I certainly can't remember one that looks so competitive. Of the drivers at the four big teams – Ferrari, McLaren, Mercedes and Red Bull – only Nico Rosberg has never won a race, and I think he is well capable of breaking his duck this year.

 

My views on my old foe, Michael Schumacher, are clear. He will be fit as a flea and capable of challenging for honours if Mercedes give him the car. But it won't be easy for him. The likes of Lewis Hamilton, Fernando Alonso and Sebastian Vettel are young and fearless. And let's not forget Jenson Button, whose confidence is sky-high right now.

 

In fact, you would have to be mad to pick a winner at this juncture, it is that open.

 


David Coulthard is writing on behalf of Red Bull Racing, for whom he acts as a consultant.

 

Original Author: David Coulthard

Article Source: Here

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5 days to Jam Xiao's Singapore concert

6 days to F1 2010 @ Bahrain

15 days to Macau trip

59 days to DOOMSDAY

90+ days to (potentially) Taiwan trip

 

-=-=-

 

Finally settled my family's Macau trip! Travelling on 23rd-26th March.

Before that, this week is gonna be an exciting week!

 

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MARCH IS FINALLY HERE!

 

Great that I am still in this positive mood (duh, for obvious reasons). Hee.

This week begins the period when I wont be returning to work! Taking a breather off work and concentrate full fledge on studies! (or at least I hope)

 

=X

 

-=-=-

 

12 days to Jam Xiao's Singapore concert

13 days to F1 2010 @ Bahrain

18+ days to Macau trip (Macau trip is back!)

66 days to DOOMSDAY

90+ days to (potentially) Taiwan trip

 

-=-=-

 

Yesterday marked the end of 2010 F1 winter testing and the (soon-to-be) start of F1 2010!


F1 afficionados would have already know the followings as at 01.03.2010:

  • 4 top favorite team for 2010 WCC - Ferrari, Red Bull, Mclaren, Mercedes
  • 8 top favorite drivers for 2010 WDC - Alonso, Hamilton, Vettel, Schumacher, Massa, Button, Webber, Rosberg
  • Dark horse for 2010 WCC - Sauber
  • 11 teams were present for the last week of winter testing (Previous 10 teams in 2009 + Lotus)
  • Campos Meta & US F1 were missing throughout the testing period. Will they make it to Bahrain? It seems like Campos might be able to drag themselves to the grid but nobody know what's going on with US F1
  • Stefan GP is eyeing that (seemingly) vacant spot of US F1.
  • 4 WDC on grid (I know this is like stating the obvious, but I couldn't resist it)
  • SCHUMACHER! (Nuff said)
  • Nick heidfeld & Giancarlo Fisichella is the reserve driver for Mercedes GP & Ferrari respectively. (A little disappointed but I guess it happens..)
  • Re-fueling ban - A new ball game! (And safer for the drivers. What happened to Kimi last year was too darn scary)
  • No more KERS!
  • Modified qualifying system - Q1: Eliminate 8 cars, Q2: Eliminate another 8 cars, Q3: Top 10 cars run in low-fuel configuration
  • Top 10 qualifiers for the race must start the race with the same tyres used to qualify with
  • No more wheel covers
  • Narrower front tyres
  • New point system! 25, 18, 15, 12, 10, 8, 6, 4, 2, 1
  • Only 11 sets of tyres over one race weekend (down from 14 in 2009)

[Compiled by dotdotger @ dotdotger.pixnet.net]

 

Summary compiled only for F1 newbies & my friends. Not like I am an oldie & pro, but I just felt like doing it. =D

 

Not gonna speculate since everyone else is pretty much saying the same thing.

I'll just state my wish:

Bahrain 2010 Winner - Fernando Alonso

Bahrain 2010 Runner-Up - Felipe Massa

Bahrain 2010 2nd Runner-Up - Mark Webber

Bahrain 2010 Constructor Winner - Ferrari

 

Well, it's obvious who I am supporting. =D

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  • Mar 01 Mon 2010 12:23
  • X_X

That was how I looked like for the past 2 day. It was 2 terrible days, especially Sunday. It started witha  sore throat on Saturday morning. Then it turned into this sneezing marthon from Saturday night onwards. I was sneezing for the whole day on Sunday that I was so worn out by 6pm and I fell asleep. It was the kind where you sneeze consecutively for 1 minute, then after awhile, the routine repeats itself.

I went nuts.

 

Plus the whole hoo-haa about booking for the Macau trip at home. I was a little annoyed since it took up my whole day. One couldn't be bothered, probably woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Another was just simply giving orders and blabbling away, as usual. I was sneezing all the time while trying to check for the information. And I was too groggy by the end of it.

 

Nevertheless, I am looking forward to it. Been a long time since the family travel. =)

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She is THE textbook.

 

Unbelivable sensation when I first watched her ice-skate. I was almost at tears. For the simple fact that she is simply amazing - beautiful, graceful & she makes ice-skating comes alive.

 

As a music lover, music ranks ahead over anything else.

To me, a piece of music acts like a companion & guide to the ice-skaters and their routines. It is like dancing, where most of us (non-pros) dance to the music. But how a pro does it? They dance with the music. A fusion of two exciting entities that combust into this magnificient fireworks, and they bring out the best in each other.

Applying that same logic to ice-skating, only Yu Na Kim can do that.

 

I can't ice-skate for nuts even though I love watching the sport. But honestly, not many skater stands out as much, unlike Yu Na Kim.

 

I am no ice-skating pro, once again. But when I watched her spins, I almost cried. How can there exist such gracefulness and near perfection?

 

No amount of words can describe this lady - World's #1 female ice-skater.

 

Let the video do the talking.

 

Yu Na Kim Winter Olympic Record

 

 

2009 4CC Yuna Kim SP New World Record 72.24 (figure skating)

 

 

Yu-Na Kim - Long Program - 2009 World Figure Skating Championships

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Shit. I took a break to rest my brain and now it has gone into hibernating mode. Argh.

 

Drat my recent sleeping habits.

 

Sleeping at 9am and waking up at 7pm isn't a good idea at all. Now I am almost zone out.

2 more hrs to go......

 

-=-=-

 

Mmm. I am very tempted to cut my hair short again. I think I look better in short hair.

 

Should I..?

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  • Feb 22 Mon 2010 04:08
  • +

I don't know what got into me but this sudden adrenaline of positivity came gushing down on me today. I was this sunshiny and cheery girl today. Maybe because I saw grandma. Maybe it's the post-effect from watching <Glee>. I don't know.

 

Anyhow, I hope this goes on. I like this feeling. The + side of me. Feels great doesn't it?

 

-=-=-

 

It will be the last week of my tenure as a part-timer at Simbiosis. I wonder if I will be going back after my exams end in May. We'll see.

 

I'll miss working. Of course, the moolah too.

 

-=-=-

 

19 days to Jam Xiao's Singapore concert

20 days to F1 2010 @ Bahrain

<No more Macau trip>

73 days to DOOMSDAY

80+ days to (potentially) Taiwan trip

 

-=-=-

 

I am really excited about F1. Like REALLY. We are into the 4th & final week of the winter testing and soon enough, 14.03.2010 Bahrain will come. So far the winter testing has been feeding my thirst for a little bit, thank goodness.

 

I don't exactly speak the car-language and I am no guru at the specifications of the cars. Just a fangirl following my favorite sport, driver & team, who knows teeny weeny bits of things here and there.

 

So far the hint is that the big 4 are up there - Ferrari, Mercedes, Red Bull, Mclaren. But who knows right? It's eally exciting how the refueling ban sort of added a layer of mystery to the (potential) 2010 pecking order. Speculations are fun, but I am kind of lazy for that with all the exams and stuff. So I will just be a good fangirl and wait till THE DAY arrives. = )

A side note. Having read most of the F1 articles & blogs, I have come to realise how bullshit some author can be. Well, I guess that is part of human nature and it happens everywhere. Can't help but ranting a little about it though. Hee.

 

Back to the fangirl thing. I am a hopeless case of the double (and triple) F combo.

Fernando-Ferrari-Felipe.

Fernando Alonso is my leading driver and Ferrari is my leading team.

I was torn apart previously, in terms of support. But now, it is all great! (Last year, I thought I might have to wait for another year. Thank goodness. =D) Anways, the F10 (Ferrari's 2010 challenger) has been pretty quiet for the past 2 tests in Jerez depite hogging the limelight for week 1 testing at Valencia. But somehow, I am having a good feeling about it. (Just as Fernando, Felipe & Ferrari are feeling) Look at their long runs in the dry. Even though we have no idea how much fuel they are carrying, their lap times have been really consistent. The F10 seems pretty reliable too, with all the long runs and plentiful laps they did throughout the 3 weeks. Only 1 red flag (or was it 2?), which they knew the cause and was of a minor issue.

Let's not forget the major update Ferrari will be bringing for this week's test.

Alonso looked really happy. I was beginning to get used to seeing the not-so-much-smiles of him after 2 frustrating (maybe 2.5) seasons and then WALA! So far, the photos of him in red are beginning to look really happy and he is happy. (Alonso: Ferrari best car I've ever had) He would have played down any chances of optimism if the car isn't behaving well, but clearly he is happy.

 

Ok. Enough of speculating. (Didn't I say I wasn't going to..? Ops.) I wish there was someone I knew whom I can talk F1 with. hee. Oh wells..

 

20 days to go!

 

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《阴天》

笑容少了

说的话也少了

不想去解释什么,辩解什么

因为很多时候,根本没用

就算是你认为了解你的人,也是如此


我不说,不代表我没事

我也不希望会有人注意到


Judging by the looks of it, 我应该没什么理由埋怨

但事实上我真的很无奈

能撑到多久呢?

会好转吗?


最讨厌别人装着很懂我的状况的人

因为他们什么都不懂,却满嘴大道理

我都没说,你挥懂什么?装个屁?

不是我不说。

很多事不是三言两语就能说得清,讲的明。

 

大道理有谁不明了?

但是大道理不是往往都能应用在现实生活上

它终究是一个theory that lacks ecological validity.


忘了怎么哭。


很奇怪。明明就很爱哭的我,忘了。

忘了那种伤心到眼泪会不由自主地流下

忘了那种心会纠着纠着的感觉


Attitude.


最近这种感觉回来了。有十年了吧。

不削的态度

批评

Judgemental

不爽就直说

而且是很不给面子的那种


感觉还满强烈地

也很陌生

有点怕人

这是我吗?


Life, 究竟会变成什么?

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25 days to Jam Xiao's Singapore concert

26 days to F1 2010 @ Bahrain

30+ days to (potentially) Macau trip

79 days to DOOMSDAY

85+ days to (potentially) Taiwan trip

 

A good mix of heaven & hell feeling. Hee.

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2010 萧敬腾 洛克先生Mr. Rock 新加坡演唱会

Date: 13.03.2010 (Sat)

Time: 8pm

Venue: Singapore Indoor Stadium

Ticket price (exclude $3 booking fee): S$148, S$128, S$98, S$68

 


 

赶紧去买票支持萧敬腾喔!

到时见!

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我终于知道,那种感觉是什么了。。

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Feel so sad watching the incomplete Super Junior performances nowadays. Only 9 to 10 members present in recent performances & concerts.

Have been avoiding Super Juinor's news & performances lately.

Feels so incomplete to watch them, especially with Han Geng's absence.

 

The more sad when I watched the 9 SuJus (minus HeeChul, Hangeng, Kangin & KiBum) performed the Korean version of "Super Girl".

Super Girl belonged to SJM, yet Han Geng, being SJM's leader, isn't there to perform together.

 

Sigh........................................

 

I am acting like a total upset fan girl now.

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I managed to survive 36 hours of Sunday + Monday + a little spill over to Tuesday.

 

Pure madness.

 

Work on Monday was simply, ineffective. I felt pretty bad about it but there was nothing I could do to improve my concentration, not even after 2 cups of coffee. I just zombied my way past the day.

 

Went to KTV with Lydia, Hannah, Edmund, Weide, Khoon & Anli. ($10 nett @ Kbox from 7pm-11pm was just dirt cheap!) It was like a singing & dancing galore for me because Kernie & I was show casing our "Gee", "Sorry, Sorry" & "Nobody" dance performance for everyone. I supposed "Gee" would have been crazily funny because of Kernie. Weide was saying how he will be having nightmare after watching Kernie's dance to the song, compared to having sweet dreams of the original version. Everyone laughed their guts out too, when Anli & I sang 《不得不爱》. That was when Anli insisted on singing the girl's part and going crazily off-pitch. Whenever I took over (when he can't continue), I was laughing & singing at the same. At the end of the song, I was just tearing.

The session was pretty cool, with a few hiccups though. We were arguing with the management cause we snuck in food and got caught. Ended up having to even ask for permission to bring our food out to finish it. Pure dumbness. I was being lazy so I just left my Koi cafe milk tea till the end of KTV session. (Which I kind of regretted because I finished the whole cup in 3 minutes and I didn't get to enjoy it. zzz.) Of course I wasn't able to survive the whole 4 hours. I was half-asleep my way through the last 1.5 hours I think, just lying on the sofa.

 

Coffee really works on me.

The effects of the 2 cups of coffee took effect after I reached home and I wasn't able to sleep only until 5am. Zzz.

 

And the zombie time-zone continues..

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Hello February.. :)

 

Time is passing by too quickly. Just 1 month ago we were welcoming 2010, and now we are already into the 2nd month of the year. I guess its true that they say, "once you hit 20-ish, time flies".

 

Smehs.

 

40 more days to Bahrain Friday practice! While today marks the first day of winter testing. At least some action before the real deal starts. :D

 

As I countdown to the start of F1 2010, I am at the same time, counting down to my doomsday. Kinda like a mixed feeling as I countdown each day.

 

Eew~

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很喜欢《下一站, 幸福》这部偶像剧。

喜欢它的不夸张。

喜欢它的不做作。

喜欢它的剧情。

喜欢它表达幸福的方式。

喜欢它把一丝丝的温暖带进爱情世界里。

喜欢它那淡淡的忧伤。

非常喜欢安以軒饰演梁慕橙的角色。一个再平凡不过的女生,因为遇见了爱情,而因此从困境中走出了自己的幸福。

 

我忘了。

忘了爱一个人的感觉。

忘了因为爱一个人的那份坚持。

忘了因为有了爱情而幸福的感觉。

忘了怎么去依靠。(我不懂得依靠别人,也不会这么做。不过在很久以前,有一个人让我学会怎么去依赖。不管是累了还是感到伤心时,我都能靠着他,停止着,休息着。慢慢地,他把我背着的负担一点一滴的扛起来,陪着我。)但是,我又回到当初的自己。再次把所有的事,不管好与坏,都自己背起来。

忘了爱情的美好。

 

此时此刻的我对爱情,不抱着希望。

虽然遗憾,不过爱情不是全部。

 

或许有一天,或许,我会找到属于我的‘他’,我的下一站,幸福。

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As much as I tried to console myself on how normal a day it is today, it has in fact, turned out to be a fucked up day after all. Living in self-denial doesn't help at all because just when I thought the worst was over, it got worser. No matter how hard I try, everything ends up being thrown back to me. The situation never improves. And once again, I am back in my vicious cycle.

 

What more can I do? For 20 years I've been trying but to no avail.

 

I am in an undescribable state/mood right now. Neither angry, nor upset nor sad. Just feeling fucked up. After doing so much and having to accept so much, I am back to the starting point.

 

At the end of the day, all I can, is to manage a forced smile and keep moving forward.

I want to be out of this someday.

And someday, I will.

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